August 16, 2012
Costco Customers Call for ‘Americans Only’ Hours #FunnyStuff
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Residents of Bellingham, WA (the jewel of Whatcom County), have started a Facebook group protesting the hordes of dirty, filthy foreigners clogging up their local Costco and taking all the parking spots. They want Costco to institute certain hours when only American-born members are allowed to impulse-purchase pallets of baby corns and discount fruit dehydrators. But…it’s not the kind of crazy xenophobia you’re used to. These outraged Americans are sick and tired of Canadians riding their mooses across the border and taking all the jobs frozen pot stickers. O Canada, how could you!?
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Look, people of Bellingham. This is an unwinnable fight that’s making you look like shit-heads. Everyone who’s ever been in a Costco knows that going to Costco sucks ass regardless of how many Canadians are in there. And anyway, while it’s annoying to have to waste half your day hangin’ in the milk-line, I have a feeling Canada is equally irritated by mobs of your sweaty, drunken 19-year-olds infesting its bars every night. So maybe we can just call bygones and stop setting creepy precedents that deny foreigners access to basic amenities? JUST A THOUGHT.