How to amuse someone into quitting smoking…

This isn’t the first time my 12-year-old step-daughter Abbey has decided to quietly deposit my cigarettes in the trash receptacle. (I managed to dig them out — at least the ones not covered with bits of coffee grounds and Cream of Wheat…) It is, however, the first time she has thrown them on the lawn and proceeded to smash them to bits with a badminton racket.

Later, I go to get a cigarette from the pack on the night stand, and imagine my surprise when in the box I find not sticks of tobacco, but rather this:

That’s right: some delicious Cap’n Crunch cereal.

Any annoyance that I might normally have felt was instantly obliterated by helpless laughter.

I mean, did I light the bits of cereal on fire and try to inhale the fumes? Sure. But I had a bemused smile on my face as I did it — and, well, that’s a start…

The trick I’ve found to quitting is to just identify those times when you smoke the most. So all I really have to do is stop smoking while driving, for example. Or in the morning with my coffee. Or after eating. Or on breaks at work. Or when drinking. Or after a long day at work, or when streesed out, depressed, angry, or anxious. Or, when every cell in my brain and body is telling me I just really need a fucking cigarette…

Should be easy enough…

Especially after I found this perfect smoking replacement at the local gas station (didn’t know they still made this stuff!) :

Yes!

Or, I could just switch to one of these brands :

(But, then, I should really just shut my bloody trap. Shouldn’t I.)