Dream Leaves
A
Play in One Act
by
Dustin
Hansen
Copyright August 2000
by Dustin Hansen
dustin@platypusman. com
Cast
of characters
| Wilt | A very old man. |
| Harriet | Wilt’s daughter — late 50’s. |
| Virginia | Harriet’s granddaughter, about 6 years old. |
| Max | Virginia’s brother, roughly age 18. |
| Waitress | Indeterminate age (perhaps 40’s). Works in bar/grill frequented by Wilt. |
| Mother | An apparition — Virginia’s mother. |
Scene
A middle class home
Time
Spans about three years.
Scene
1
| SETTING: | A small cheap pub/diner. Morning. |
| AT RISE: | WAITRESS watching TV indifferently. WILT stumbles in, looking exhausted and hungover. |
WAITRESS
Mornin, sonny.
(She pours him a
shot, which he downs.)
WILT
What’d you call me?
WAITRESS
I just said: mornin.
WILT
Is it now.
WAITRESS
Sure.
WILT
You sure about that, are you?
(WAITRESS facetiously
checks watch, holds it up to her ear, looks at clock on wall, looks out the
window.)
WAITRESS
Yup. Perty damn sure.
WILT
Well what’s good about it then.
WAITRESS
What?
WILT
I say, what’s good about it.
WAITRESS
About what?
WILT
What?
WAITRESS
I say, what’s good about what?
WILT
The morning, damn your black heart, the
morning! The bleeding birth of a dying day, this
WILT
(cont.)
here day in particular, to be particular.
WAITRESS
Who said there was.
WILT
What?
WAITRESS
I say, who said there was.
WILT
Who said there was what goddamit.
WAITRESS
Who, said, there was anything, “good,”
about the morning?
WILT
You did you pasty cunt.
WAITRESS
You’re lucky Pico ain’t in here.
WILT
Do not tell me I’m lucky damn you.
WAITRESS
He’d sew your mouth shut with fishing
line.
WILT
I hate that. . . . With
what? Pico fishes?
WAITRESS
Just consider yourself lucky.
WILT
I say, I hate that! And I’ll consider myself nothing of the
kind!
WAITRESS
Mmm.
WILT
I’ll consider myself anything I like,
and I’ll consider myself anything but that, hear me?
WAITRESS
No, I’m deaf in this ear.
WILT
Saucy tart.
(Pause.)
I’ll consider myself anything I damn
well please. . . . Nothing of the kind. . . .
WAITRESS
Well what do you consider yourself then.
WILT
What? . . . Nothing.
WAITRESS
Nothin, huh? Not very exciting, is it?
WILT
Nothing of the goddamned kind.
(Pause.)
So tell me then.
WAITRESS
What.
WILT
Frosted Christ on a stick, what are we talking about?
(Pause.)
WAITRESS
I don’t know.
WILT
The morning, the everloving enervating
interminable morning! The mournful
old aborted morning already for the love of Lucifer!
WAITRESS
Ohhhh. That.
WILT
Yes. That.
(Pause.)
WAITRESS
What about it.
WILT
Great Trotsky, woman!
WAITRESS
Who?
WILT
Don’t start with me, you irksome
gall-pocket.
WAITRESS
Fine. I’m finished.
(Washes counter,
ignoring him. Pause.)
WILT (Slowly:)
I want you to tell me what’s so
goddamned good about the rotten godforsaken morning. Got me?
WAITRESS
Got me.
WILT
Yes. I have. Don’t
say things you don’t mean.
(Muttering:)
And always mean things you don’t
say — remember that.
WAITRESS
You’re toasted, sonny.
WILT
Don’t play dumb. This is all I ask.
WAITRESS
(Finished playing
with him:)
I understand, sonny.
WILT
Good. I need a nap, by God.
WAITRESS
And for your information, I didn’t say
“good."I just said: “morning."
WILT
Is that a fact.
WAITRESS
Yes it is.
WILT
In your opinion.
WAITRESS
Yup.
WILT
Well.
(Pause.)
Good.
(Long pause.)
So where the fuck are my Cheerios? !
WAITRESS
Sorry.
WILT
She’s sorry.
WAITRESS
We’re all out.
WILT
You gotta be kiddin.
WAITRESS
How bout some Rice Krispies.
WILT
How bout what? What in the name of the savior are you
trying to do to me, Mother of Satan? !
WAITRESS
Sorry, Pico ate the last of them last
night.
WILT
Last night!
WAITRESS
Yup.
WILT
That man’s a madman.
WAITRESS
We got French toast, pancakes,
hashbrowns, bacon, and eggs any way ya like em, or oatmeal, plain as day. Take your pick.
WILT (Thinking:)
Mmmmm . . . Cheerios.
WAITRESS
Sonny.
WILT
Cut that sonny business out you horned
gopher! What are you, my mother?
WAITRESS
Well sure. I’m your fairy godmother, sonny.
WILT
Grand. Then conjure up some Cheerios for the love of Stalin!
WAITRESS
Sorry, no can do.
WILT
Vicious wart of a woman.
WAITRESS
My wand’s busted.
WILT
Some goddamned god fairy.
WAITRESS
Godmother.
WILT
Godmother. — Cheerios!
(WAITRESS Cleans
counter, ignoring him.)
Now!
(WILT slams fists on
counter repeatedly, throwing a small tantrum.)
WAITRESS (Angry:)
We’ve got French toast, pancakes,
hashbrowns, bacon, eggs —
WILT
To the devil with your damnable eggs!
WAITRESS
Any way you like em, oatmeal plain as
day, and Rice —
WILT
All right! Stop it damn you!
(Pause.)
I’ll take a bourbon.
WAITRESS
On the rocks?
WILT
No! What are you trying to do to me?! Straight up. Tall.
WAITRESS
Double?
WILT
Double tall. Tall as a motherfucking nigger on stilts.
WAITRESS (Glares at him.)
You’re lucky Pico’s not here.
WILT
He’s brown.
(WAITRESS glares at
him.)
What. I meant somebody from Nigeria.
(Muttering:)
Something like that.
WAITRESS (Glares at him.)
You’re just lucky, sonny.
(Pause.)
WILT (Whispering:)
Cheerios.
(WAITRESS stares at
him, then turns, pours bourbon, sets glass roughly down on counter in front of
him; he lifts glass, raises it to her, downs it.)
(Blackout.)
Scene
2
(A room. HARRIET sits [perhaps knitting]; MAX
sits reading.)
HARRIET
Where is that father of mine. . . .
MAX
Have you checked the bars?
HARRIET
Max.
MAX
And the brothels?
HARRIET
Max, don’t say those things.
MAX
Then I have no idea.
(Pause.)
HARRIET
He never wants to come home
anymore. What’s so bad about it
here? We have a happy home. Don’t we?
MAX
It’s a nonstop festival. It’s a carnival, is what it is.
HARRIET
I mean it’s dull, but it’s happy. You’re happy, aren’t you Max?
MAX
Ecstatic. I’m overflowing with mirth.
HARRIET
Don’t be that way. I’m worried. He worries me, that man.
MAX
What’s to be worried about? He’s not gonna be driving home or
anything.
HARRIET
I don’t mean that. I mean, he’s getting up in years, and
he forgets things. He doesn’t know
where he is sometimes. Sometimes I
don’t think he knows who he is. That man’d lose his head if it wasn’t nailed to his neck. I’m just afraid one of these times he’s
going to forget where he lives and just wander off somewhere and get lost. Or forget who he is and walk into some
complete stranger’s home.
MAX
Well, look on the bright side: It won’t be long and we’ll all be
complete strangers to him
MAX
(cont.)
anyway, and he’ll wonder who we are and
why he’s even here and then we can declare him legally incompetent and have
complete control over his estate.
HARRIET
Max, you are truly terrible.
MAX
It’s genetic. I got it from your side I believe.
HARRIET
I’m going to call.
MAX
So call. You think he wants to talk to you?
HARRIET
Well, no, but I’m worried. And he should be worried that I’m
worried, by now.
MAX
So call then.
HARRIET
I think I just will.
MAX
So do.
(Silence. They sit.)
Scene
3
(Same pub. Night. WILT asleep at bar, arms folded, head resting on arms. A few empty glasses on counter in front
of him. Silence. Phone rings. WILT jerks awake.)
WILT
Fire! Get my helmet! . . .
(Phone rings; he
looks at it.)
Oh. . . .
(Rings.)
Marge! . . .
(Rings.)
Damn your black heart, Marge, get in
here! You call this running a
business?
(Rings.)
Ah hell.
(Picks up
phone.)
Hell. . . . I said
hell-o. . . . Oh. Ah, mm, mm hmm, ah
(Clears throat,
alters voice:)
Just one moment, please, madam.
(Hands over phone, is
about to call out then stops, sighs, puts phone down on counter, dashes off to
find MARGE, who almost runs into him.)
Good Gorbachev, you nearly trampled me
you great musk ox you.
WAITRESS
Sorry, I didn’t see you.
WILT
Ya, it’s because I don’t exist.
WAITRESS (Going to phone.)
I almost tripped over you. I think you’re shrinking.
WILT
Hog slop! I’m a cipher, that’s all it is.
(Muttering:)
Shrinking my arse.
WAITRESS (To WILT:)
Shh.
(Into phone:)
Hello, Blue Nook, this is Marge. . . . Oh hiiiii. . .
. Yup, he sure is.
(She glances at WILT,
who silently and violently indicates “No” with wild gestures.)
At least I think so. Oh, wait, he says he’s not — hold
on.
(To WILT:)
You here, sonny?
(WILT shakes head
violently.)
WAITRESS
(cont.)
No, I guess he don’t exist. Ya know I think he’s shrunk. . . . Ya, that was him.
WILT
Cunt!
WAITRESS (Into phone:)
You want I should put him on? . . . O. K. , here he is.
(Holds out phone to
Wilt.)
It’s your daughter.
WILT
No shite. What is she, my parole officer?
WAITRESS
Hurry it up, she’s waitin.
WILT
She can wait, like the rest of us.
WAITRESS
Well you’re tyin up the line. Move it, sonny.
WILT
Yes, mother. Right away, mother.
(Goes to phone. Throughout the following, WILT gestures
desperately to WAITRESS to pour him a drink; as she cleans up bottles and
glasses, he grabs them from her and downs what’s left; becomes thoroughly
entangled in phone cord in the process of following her around.)
Hell. . . . I said
hello . . . Whatd’ya mean
“home."I’m in eternal exile, you
know that. . . . I’m gettin breakfast. . . . Yes now. . .
. I’m eating my Cheerios. You interrupted a lovely brunch. . . . Breakfast, then. . . . Dinner, then . .
. Why can’t I. . . . Who says . . . Well I ordered it this morning and I’m still workin on it, see? . . . The service here is appalling.
WAITRESS
Hey! Go to hell and stay there until you’ve sobered up.
WILT
I mean it’s a big bowl. . . . All right I fell asleep while I was eating. Happy? . . . Whatd’ya
mean, “am I happy”? What are you
getting at? . . . No, . . . No I tell you. . . . Juice. . . . Orange. . . . No,
straight, all alone, icy cold, like you. . . . Juice, only juice I
tell you! . . . O. K. I’ll be home after breakfast. . . . I’m
supping! Would you let me
sup? ! . . . Yes you are! . . . Yes, but
in peace? ! . . . Very well, Sergeant. . . . Yes. I’ll come
home. . . . Right after dessert.
(Hangs up
quickly. Realizes he is woven into
the phone cord, fights with it to unravel himself. Looks at MARGE. Sits on stool.)
Cheerios. Straight.
Scene
4
(The house. HARRIET, MAX, and VIRGINIA in silence;
WILT sits at table, head down, asleep.)
VIRGINIA
Was I adopted?
HARRIET
No, sweetheart.
VIRGINIA
Did Mom have me on purpose?
HARRIET (Laughs nervously.)
. . . Of course, sweetheart. What kind of question is that?
MAX
We got you at the pound.
HARRIET
Now Max, don’t you start.
MAX
They were gonna put you to sleep. You should consider yourself lucky.
WILT (Waking:)
Don’t say that to the poor kid.
MAX
It was between you and a collie pup.
HARRIET
Max.
WILT
Don’t ever say that to a person.
(WILT, slyly, moves
to bookcase, his eyes on HARRIET. He removes a large volume, opens it and removes a pint-bottle of whiskey
hidden inside, drinks. [HARRIET
pretends not to notice. ])
MAX
The dog wouldn’t wake up, see, or those
eyes would have turned the tables like that.
(Snaps fingers.)
You got lucky, see. There was a kitten there, too. And a lobster that mother was quite
keen on.
HARRIET
There’s no lobsters at the pound. Stops teasing your sister, Max. Don’t fill her mind
HARRIET (cont.)
with nonsense.
WILT
Nonsense?
MAX
Or, wait — maybe it was the Humane
Society.
HARRIET
Max.
MAX
Or was it the Salvation Army? One of those places, anyway. Yes I think it was the Salvation
Army. We went there to buy galoshes
and stuffed bears and a wedding dress for your mum and just happened to see you
sitting under an old end table.
HARRIET
Max! . . . Why did
you think you were adopted, honey?
VIRGINIA (Shrugs.)
Cause. . . . Cause
Peter said.
(MAX chuckles.)
HARRIET
Now Virginia. Sweetheart. Remember what we said? Remember what we talked about?
(VIRGINIA shrugs.)
Peter is not real, sweetheart.
MAX
What a thing to say!
(To VIRGINIA:)
Don’t listen, Virginia. Peter lives in Heaven, with the tooth
fairy.
(Whispering:)
They’re living in sin. And bestiality with the Easter Bunny.
VIRGINIA
What’s “sin”?
MAX
That’s a suburb of Heaven.
HARRIET
Max.
MAX
Sort of a ghetto.
HARRIET
Max, go outside.
MAX
What am I gonna do outside?
WILT
Go play on the yellow line.
MAX
I’ll get my fur and rubber skirt and
pose on the corner.
(MAX leaves.)
HARRIET
Now sweetheart, you’ve got to stop this
nonsense.
WILT
Whatta ya mean, “nonsense”?
HARRIET
You’re too old for this now.
VIRGINIA
Too old for what?
HARRIET
For imaginary friends, honey.
WILT
You call that sense?
VIRGINIA
How do you know he’s “maginary”?
HARRIET
Well, because, sweetheart, no one can
see him.
WILT
Who cares. Nobody can see me either.
HARRIET
Or hear him.
WILT
Nobody can hear me either it seems. Hellooooo!
VIRGINIA
I can.
HARRIET
Yes but, you’re just pretending,
Virginia.
WILT
I’m pretending to exist. It’s natural, Harry.
VIRGINIA
No I’m not.
HARRIET
You’re just imagining that you see and
hear him.
(VIRGINIA shakes
head.)
That’s why he’s imaginary. Do you see?
(VIRGINIA nods.)
You do? You understand what I’m saying, Virginia?
(Pause. VIRGINIA shakes head. HARRIET sighs.)
WILT
Leave the kid alone.
HARRIET
You’re too old for this,
Virginia.
(to self:)
I’m too old for this.
VIRGINIA
How old’s too old?
WILT
Anything’s too old. Any age at all. I’m too old, your mother was too old,
your gramma here? much too old — and you’re too old too.
VIRGINIA
I am?
HARRIET
Papa, be quiet please.
WILT
Yup. You’re out of the womb, you’re too old.
VIRGINIA
What’s a “womb”?
WILT
That’s where you live before you’re
born.
VIRGINIA
I was alive before I was born?
WILT
Well sure.
(Pause.)
VIRGINIA
What’s “born” mean?
(Pause.)
WILT
That’s when you move out and start to
die.
HARRIET
Papa!
VIRGINIA
What’s “die” mean?
HARRIET
Umm . . .
WILT
I’ll give you an example.
HARRIET
Dad . . .
WILT
Just look at me.
VIRGINIA
You died?
WILT
Surely.
HARRIET
Papa! He’s lying, honey.
WILT
My own daughter calls me a liar. Listen, kid. I’m more dead than you are. I’m more dead than you’ll ever be. I’m more dead than anybody.
VIRGINIA
You’re “dead,” grandpapa?
WILT
Well look at me. I’m a cipher, am I not.
(WILT stands before
mirror, waving a hand in front of it as though unable to see his reflection.)
VIRGINIA
A what?
HARRIET
Papa.
WILT
Are you denying it?
VIRGINIA
Did I kill Mommy?
HARRIET
What? Of course not, sweetheart. Did Peter tell you that too?
VIRGINIA (Nods.)
He says when I came, she died.
HARRIET (Nervously:)
Well . . . sort of, but it wasn’t your
fault, honey.
WILT
Anyway she’s better off.
HARRIET
Papa!
(a silence)
Listen, honey. I don’t want you to talk to Peter any more. O. K. ?
VIRGINIA
But why?
HARRIET
Because . . . because it worries me,
sweetheart. Because. . . Because. I don’t know him.
VIRGINIA
Do you wanna meet ‘em?
WILT
Yes.
HARRIET
Well —
WILT
Absolutely.
HARRIET
I don’t know if —
WILT
Bring him by for supper.
VIRGINIA
He’s really shy, though.
WILT
That’s all right, we’ll just look at
him.
HARRIET
Papa . . .
WILT
Does he eat?
VIRGINIA
Yes.
WILT
Wonderful! What’s he like.
VIRGINIA
He likes fudge bars.
WILT
Smart lad.
HARRIET
Virginia . . .
WILT
And for dessert?
VIRGINIA
Potato chips.
WILT
I think we can do that, can’t we Harry?
HARRIET
Papa, do not call me Harry!
WILT
It. Harry It. Just
be glad I didn’t name you “Sardinia,” like Rosaline wanted.
VIRGINIA
And he likes root beer.
WILT
Root beer it is.
HARRIET
Papa . . .
WILT
I’ll pick some up.
(uses this as an
opportunity to head for the door)
VIRGINIA
And Peter said to tell you something.
WILT
Oh?
HARRIET
(Tired, sighing,
rubbing her head:)
What’s that, sweetheart?
VIRGINIA
You’re out of jelly beans.
(HARRIET sighs.)
Scene
5
(The house. Everyone asleep — HARRIET in chair
with knitting in lap; MAX sitting on couch with book on lap, trying to stay
awake; WILT at table with head buried in his folded arms, or asleep next to
MAX. VIRGINIA enters, quietly
approaches HARRIET, whispers:)
VIRGINIA
Gramma.
(Pause. With her mouth very close to HARRIET’S
ear:)
Gramma? . . . Gramma.
(Pause. Screaming:)
Gramma! !
(Everyone leaps
awake.)
HARRIET
What? What’s going on?
VIRGINIA
(sweetly:)
Gramma?
HARRIET
Hmm?
VIRGINIA
Peter says that I’m imaginary.
MAX
That wasn’t very nice of him.
WILT
Whatd’ya mean. There’s nothing wrong with being imaginary. Look at me: I’m a nonentity, aren’t I? Nothing wrong with that.
(WILT sneaks to
bookcase, gets bottle from hiding spot, drinks, replaces book, keeping
bottle. HARRIET, as usual,
pretends not to notice.)
HARRIET
What was that?
VIRGINIA
Peter says I’m not real. He says I’m imaginary.
WILT
Anyway he’s imagining things.
VIRGINIA
He is?
HARRIET
Oh dear.
WILT
Certainly.
VIRGINIA
He says I don’t really eggs-ish.
HARRIET
What, honey?
WILT
Exist, she’s saying exist. Pay attention.
HARRIET
Of course you do.
MAX
Everyone exists.
WILT
And every thing.
VIRGINIA
He says I only exist in his imagination.
WILT
He’s just tickling your noodle’s all.
VIRGINIA
What?
HARRIET
Oh dear.
VIRGINIA
Do I?
HARRIET
Of course, honey.
VIRGINIA
Really? You mean I’m not real?
HARRIET
No, honey. Of course not. I didn’t mean —
WILT
Everything’s real.
(VIRGINIA studies her
hand.)
MAX
Nothing’s real.
WILT
That too.
VIRGINIA
If he stops thinking of me . . .
HARRIET
No. . . .
VIRGINIA
If he stops imagining . . .
HARRIET
No, honey. He can’t . . .
(Pause.)
VIRGINIA
I’m gonna go look for him.
(VIRGINIA leaves,
running — or perhaps walking very slowly, staring down at her hands,
studying them, ponderous.)
HARRIET
Sweetheart?
MAX
Mad as a march hare.
HARRIET
Max.
WILT
Kid’s gonna be a genius.
MAX
Whatd’ya mean “gonna be”?
WILT
Exactly.
MAX
You can’t become a genius.
HARRIET
Don’t encourage her, you two.
WILT
Somebody’s got to encourage
her. Kid’s gonna be a Buddhist
mystic.
HARRIET
Papa.
MAX
Or an artist.
HARRIET
Oh dear.
Scene
6
(The house. Night. HARRIET walks in, steps on broken glass which she does not
see, shouts in pain, reaches down. A lamp lies broken on floor next to end table. She studies a shard. Looks around. Goes to door
of VIRGINIA’S room. Is about to
knock when she stops, puts ear to door. [VIRGINIA’S voice, muffled, from room. ])
HARRIET
Virginia? . . . Virginia,
who are you talking to?
VIRGINIA
Nobody, Gramma.
HARRIET
Would you come out here for a minute?
(Pause. VIRGINIA’S voice behind door, barely
audible [talking to Peter]. VIRGINIA enters.)
HARRIET
(Pointing at broken
lamp:)
Virginia? Do you know anything about this?
(VIRGINIA nods.)
You want to tell me about it?
VIRGINIA
It’s a lamp.
HARRIET
Yes I know it’s a lamp, sweetheart. Or at least it was a lamp.
VIRGINIA
It’s broken.
HARRIET
Yes, honey. I can see that it’s broken. Do you know how it got broken?
VIRGINIA
(Pause.)
Yes.
(Pause.)
HARRIET
I’m waiting.
(Pause.)
VIRGINIA
You have to promise not to get mad.
HARRIET
I’m not mad, sweetheart. I just want to know what happened,
that’s all.
VIRGINIA
You have to promise not to punish him.
(Pause.)
HARRIET
Virginia honey. Now you’re not going to tell me that
Peter broke this lamp. Are you.
(VIRGINIA shrugs.)
Virginia.
(VIRGINIA nods. Pause.)
Are you sure?
(VIRGINIA nods. Pause.)
There’s nothing else you want to tell
me?
(Pause. VIRGINIA shakes head. Pause.)
I see. All right then. . . . Go to your room now,
Virginia. Gramma’ll fix it.
Scene
7
(Night. Silence. Darkness. Crickets.)
(Sound of breaking
glass.)
(Silence. [Crickets. ])
(Breaking glass.)
(Shuffling in next
room. Light on beneath door to
HARRIET’S room.)
(Silence.)
(Breaking glass.)
(HARRIET stumbles out
in pajamas, groggy but frightened.)
(Silence.)
(Breaking glass as a
rock enters through window. HARRIET shrieks, jumps back.)
(Silence. She goes to rock, picks it up.)
(Looks at broken
glass. Goes to window, looks out.)
(Breaking glass.)
(HARRIET shrieks.)
(Silence. She stands, listening.)
Scene
8
(HARRIET picking up
glass shards or taping paper over a broken window. MAX pacing, fierce. WILT indifferent, sits at table.)
HARRIET
I just can’t believe it.
WILT
So don’t believe it then. The truth doesn’t care whether you
believe it or not.
MAX
You know what you should do?
HARRIET
I don’t know what to do, I —
MAX
You should get a gun.
WILT
Or a tank.
MAX
I mean, you know. For protection.
HARRIET
Oh, no! I could never.
WILT
(Getting bottle from
bookcase.)
Protection from what?
MAX
Vandals and bastards who terrorize you,
Wilt. That’s from what. Look at this.
HARRIET
But still, a gun, Max?
MAX
Sure. Everybody’s got one.
WILT (To MAX, mockingly:)
Who did it? Can you even tell me that?
HARRIET
I don’t know, I didn’t see anyone.
WILT
Well there you are.
MAX
It doesn’t matter who it was. They should have their hands chopped
off.
HARRIET
Max!
WILT
Did you see anyone?
MAX
No. But they should be shot.
HARRIET
Max! Don’t say these things. I’m surprised at you.
MAX
I’m surprised at this.
(Muttering:)
Actually I’m not.
WILT
So had you had this “gun” you’d have
shot at what exactly.
HARRIET
No! Stop this. No
one’s shooting at anything!
MAX
Shoot into the dark, anyway. Scare the living piss out of em.
WILT
You can’t kill what you can’t see.
HARRIET
Kids these days, I just . . .
MAX
Terrorists, is more like it.
WILT
(Scoffing. Getting in MAX’S face, jeeringly:)
“Terrorists."My arse. Who’s
afraid? You? You’re only pissed off, is all you are.
MAX
You’re damn right.
HARRIET
But one of those rocks could have hit on
of us, Papa.
WILT (Shrugs.)
Can’t hurt me. I’m already dead.
HARRIET
Well some of us aren’t.
MAX
Wilt The Invincible.
WILT
Surely. Invisible, therefore invincible.
HARRIET
Papa.
MAX
This isn’t a house, it’s a sanitarium.
HARRIET
Max. . . . I just
think we should feel lucky to be alive.
WILT
Are you nuts? You’re off your rocker.
HARRIET
I mean they were only stones, but . .
WILT
Pebbles. Sticks and stones.
MAX
You should feel lucky to be alive
anyway, Wilt.
HARRIET
Max, don’t say that to him, he doesn’t
like —
WILT
I oughta — Are you looking for a boot in your
teeth?
HARRIET
Papa.
MAX
At your age.
WILT
I oughta crucify you.
HARRIET
Papa!
WILT
I oughta throw you right out that
window.
MAX
Try it, old man. I’d drag you down with me.
WILT
I’m already drug down as far as I can
go. I’m already dead, see?
HARRIET
Papa. Max. Please.
MAX
So what’s a dead man gonna do to me?
WILT
Ya ya ya. So consider yourself lucky.
HARRIET
Papa. What’s gotten into you.
WILT
“Lucky to be alive."Gravy brain.
Scene
9
(HARRIET and MAX
stand outside VIRGINIA’S bedroom, their ears to the door — HARRIET more
fervently curious, MAX there at her beckoning.)
MAX
So what.
HARRIET
Shh! Listen.
MAX
(Puts ear to
door.)
So what.
HARRIET
Don’t you hear her?
MAX
Well sure. But —
HARRIET
She’s talking to herself again.
MAX
She’s playing, leave her alone.
HARRIET
But out loud, Max. Who’s she talking to?
MAX
She’s probably singing.
HARRIET
She’s not singing! Listen to her!
MAX
(Resignedly puts ear
to door again.)
Yeah, O. K. , she’s talking. Can I go?
HARRIET
Aren’t you concerned?
MAX
She’s probably praying. Who cares.
HARRIET
Well, yes, that could be. She does pray an awful lot.
MAX
There you are.
HARRIET
But she’s not, though, she’s having a
conversation.
MAX
Of course. With “God."
HARRIET
No! No, Max.
MAX
So she talks to herself. Who else has she got to talk to around
here? You?
HARRIET
You know who she’s talking to, don’t
you?
MAX
Who.
HARRIET
Peter.
MAX
Uh huh.
HARRIET
It’s Peter. She spends all her time with him now.
MAX
Well they get along. That’s the nice thing about imaginary
friends, Gramma. That’s the point.
HARRIET
Hmmm . . . I s’pose. But I
don’t like it. I don’t like it one
bit.
(Pause. Matter-of-factly, as though she were
saying “I think we’ll have tuna fish for supper tonight”:)
I think she may have a demon.
MAX
Maybe she just needs a little blood
letting. And then we can burn her
at the stake, for good measure.
HARRIET:
Well I mean it’s like there are two
people — like she’s half herself and half Peter. I don’t think it’s good for her to stay in her room all day,
either, up all night talking to herself . . .
(MAX gives up, reads,
ignores her)
Virginia! Virginia, sweetheart! . . . Virginia?
VIRGINIA (From behind door:)
What.
HARRIET
I’ve got something for you!
VIRGINIA
What is it.
HARRIET
You’ll have to come out and see for
yourself.
VIRGINIA
That’s O. K. Not now. Maybe
later.
HARRIET
It might not be here later.
VIRGINIA
That’s O. K.
(Pause.)
HARRIET
You wanna go shopping with your old
gramma?
VIRGINIA
Not really.
(Pause.)
HARRIET
We could go to the zoo? You want to go to the zoo, sweetheart?
VIRGINIA
Can Peter come?
HARRIET
No, not this time honey. Just you and me. Whattaya say?
VIRGINIA
That’s O. K.
HARRIET
Do you want to play a game?
VIRGINIA
No thanks.
HARRIET
We could play house. Or set up dominoes and knock them
over. Doesn’t that sound like fun?
VIRGINIA
Peter doesn’t like to play house.
HARRIET
Dominoes?
VIRGINIA
Maybe later.
HARRIET
Virginia! You know what’s coming to town? You know what’s coming to town next weekend?
VIRGINIA
No.
HARRIET
Well guess.
(Pause. Whispering.)
VIRGINIA
The pock-lips?
(giggling behind
door)
HARRIET
What?
VIRGINIA
I give up.
HARRIET
The circus! Won’t that be fun!
VIRGINIA
Can Peter come?
HARRIET
Sweetheart . . . Can’t it just be us? Just the family?
VIRGINIA
I don’t know.
(Indistinct voice of
VIRGINIA in room.)
HARRIET
Virginia, honey, what are you doing, who
are you talking to?
VIRGINIA
Nobody Gramma.
HARRIET
Is Peter there? Is he in there with you?
VIRGINIA
Yes.
HARRIET
Are you talking to him?
VIRGINIA
Yes.
HARRIET
What’s Peter say?
(Pause. Whispering.)
VIRGINIA
He says he wishes you’d go away and
leave us alone.
HARRIET
Well we’re gonna have a picnic
tomorrow. In the park. You wanna come?
VIRGINIA
Peter doesn’t like parks.
HARRIET
Well we don’t have to have it at the
park, I just thought —
VIRGINIA
Or picnics.
(Pause. Whispering.)
HARRIET
Oh. O. K. then. . .
.
VIRGINIA
Peter says stop ease-dripping.
(Pause.)
HARRIET
Oh. I see. Well Gramma’ll
leave you two alone now.
VIRGINIA
’K. -Bye.
Scene
10
(MAX on couch,
reading and eating. HARRIET
enters, looking very nervous and distraught; can’t sit down, paces around the
room aimlessly as though looking for something to occupy her trembling hands,
tries to clean everything in sight.)
MAX
You look terrible.
HARRIET
Why thank you, Maximilian. You really know how to brighten a
person’s day.
MAX
Don’t call me that. Your hands are shaking. What’s the matter with you.
HARRIET
Nothing, nothing . . . I almost hit a kid with my car on the
way home, that’s all. I’m a bit
shaken up.
MAX
Home from where?
HARRIET
Oh, I had to go to the school. I had to talk to Virginia’s teacher.
MAX
“Ms." Hackett?
HARRIET
Yes.
MAX
You mean they haven’t institutionalized
that repressed nymphomaniacal hyena yet?
HARRIET
Max, she’s a very sweet and caring
woman.
MAX
Uh huh. So what’d she wanna “talk about."
(WILT sneaks in from the kitchen.)
HARRIET
Well, she’s very worried — She’s
very concerned about Virginia.
MAX
Teachers.
HARRIET
Well . . .
(WILT goes to
bookcase [or perhaps yet another of many hiding places], removes bottle of
liquor, takes a swig — as quietly as possible; HARRIET does not see him.)
MAX
Why, what’s she “worried about."
HARRIET
Something she did. Some things, which she did, which were,
which were not, not quite . . . And, and she saw this picture that Virginia drew, and it scared her half
to death. It made her cry she
said — she was crying, crying . . . And made her sick to her stomach. She threw up, all over the floor.
MAX
What a nutjob.
HARRIET
She said she had it, in her drawer, but
refused to look at it again.
MAX
Did you bring it home?
WILT
(Standing almost
right behind HARRIET:)
We’ll put it on the refrigerator.
(HARRIET jumps.)
HARRIET
Papa, don’t do that.
MAX
Wilt. Have you heard? Your great granddaughter’s a holy terror.
WILT
At least she’s holy.
(Pause. MAX watches HARRIET.)
MAX
So? Did she show you the picture?
HARRIET
Yes.
MAX
And?
HARRIET
Oh, you know. . . You don’t
want to know, it’s . . .
MAX
Come on, what was it?
HARRIET
Look. I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve got enough on my mind, Max.
MAX
Fine. I don’t want to “provoke you."
(Pause.)
So what was it then?
HARRIET
Max! , I said I don’t —
MAX
All right, fine, sorry, jesus. . . . So was that it then?
HARRIET
No. There were more. Lots of pictures.
MAX
Of what?
HARRIET
Max, can’t you —
MAX
Fine.
HARRIET
And things she’s written, things that .
. . Oh dear. Things I would never
dream of.
WILT
Kid’s gonna be a poet.
HARRIET
And she says that Peter tells her what
to write, and draw, and say, and do, and . . .
WILT
So she’s got a muse. It’s normal to hear voices.
MAX
For schizophrenics.
HARRIET
And another thing. She lies. All the time telling lies, to her teachers, to her
friends — well, Ms. Hacket says she doesn’t have any friends, but I don’t
believe that. Why wouldn’t they
like her? . . . But she does, she makes up stories you
see, and then . . . She said it’s
as though she’s incapable of telling the truth, and she’ll never admit, never
admit, that she’s lying. It’s as
if she really believes what she says, and . . .
(pause)
She just makes things up. That’s all. What’s so wrong about that?
(HARRIET begins to
sob, trying hard to conceal it. Fade.)
Scene
11
(The cafe/pub. Night. Many empty bottles and glasses strewn about the table. WILT half-awake, very drunk, confused,
almost dissasociative.)
WAITRESS (Calling toward off-stage:)
Hey. Pete.
WILT
What? What did you call me?
WAITRESS
Nothin sonny. I was talkin to Pete here. Butt out.
(To Pete:)
Peter! Wake up! You’re
not sleepin here again tonight!
WILT
What did you say? What did you call him?
WAITRESS
What. Peter. That’s
his name, sonny.
WILT
Oh. Ah hah. I
see. I was . . .
WAITRESS
You know what you need?
WILT
A lobotomy?
WAITRESS
A shot.
WILT
That’ll suffice.
(She pours him a
shot, he downs it.)
WAITRESS
What is it?
WILT
“It”?
WAITRESS
Yeah. What is it, sonny?
WILT
Whatd’ya mean, it’s a goddam drink.
WAITRESS
You know what I’m gettin at.
WILT
Oh. So you’re gettin’ at somethin are you.
WAITRESS
Well sure. Come on, sonny, what’s on your mind.
WILT
Feels like a bulldozer.
WAITRESS
Here.
(Pours him another
shot. He downs it.)
WILT
What do you know anything about my mind
anyhow.
WAITRESS
Well, you haven’t called me a cunt yet
and you’ve been here for twenty minutes. To me that says somethin ain’t right.
WILT
Everything’s right. There’s no such thing as wrong.
WAITRESS
All right then. You don’t wanna tell me, don’t tell me.
(Cleans counter,
ignoring him.)
WILT
It’s my granddaughter.
WAITRESS
Oh yeah . . . Whatsername again? Victoria?
WILT
Virginia.
WAITRESS
Virginia.
WILT
Uh huh.
(Pause.)
WAITRESS
Well?
WILT
What “well."Well nothin.
WAITRESS
No, tell me. I’m as close as you’ll get to a psychiatrist, sonny.
WILT
I’ve got a pension. Theoretically.
WAITRESS
Well I’m cheap.
WILT
Whatta ya charge?
WAITRESS
Whattaya got in your pocket?
WILT
Nothin.
WAITRESS
That’s my fee.
WILT
That’s reasonable. That seems fair.
WAITRESS
So?
(Pause.)
WILT
The thing is . . . See, I’m her
imaginary friend.
WAITRESS
Come on, sonny. Enough with the “I don’t exist”
routine.
WILT
No, you spiny warthog. Now listen: Her imaginary friend is me.
WAITRESS
I don’t get it.
WILT
Remember I told you about Peter?
WAITRESS
Peter.
WILT
Peter. Her imaginary friend. He tells her to do things?
WAITRESS
Uh huh. Like what kind of things.
WILT
Oh, you know. Break things, steal things, hide things — told her to
have a sex change, too, but she hasn’t done that I don’t suppose. And to run off and join the circus, but
then he changed his mind. . .
. I’ve told you all this. No?
(WAITRESS shakes her
head.)
Let’s see . . smear shit on the walls,
spike her mother’s cocoa with Exlax, . . . She killed Dr. Jeckle.
WAITRESS
Say what?
WILT
Dr. Jeckle. That was our pug.
(Muttering:)
Yappin’ nag.
WAITRESS
You’re talking Pig Latin, sonny, I can’t
make head or tail of it.
WILT
Our pug, you imbecilious saddlebag! Our pup, our pet, or little doggy
woggy!
WAITRESS
Oh. . . . Oh! Oh my God. . . . She did
not. How do you know she did.
WILT
She didn’t.
WAITRESS
You’re off your rocker, sonny. You just got done saying —
WILT
“Peter” killed it. She said. And of course any time she says Peter did something we all
know . . .
WAITRESS (nods uncertainly)
Mmmm. . . . Well what else does Peter tell her to do?
WILT
Oh, you know. Dump glue in people’s shoes, switch the sugar and salt
shakers, put aftershave in the lad’s underpants and turpentine in gramma’s
douche, . . . One time she
replaced Harriet’s contact lens solution with iodine. Blind as a prophet for days!
WAITRESS
And she does whatever he tells her?
(Pause.)
WILT
Yes she does. . . . She listens
to everything he says. Hangs on
his every word, and does just as he asks. . . . At first she was
afraid of me — of him . . . But then, she loved him. . . . she practically worships him.
WAITRESS
And she thinks he’s real.
WILT
Well surely. She started actually seeing the guy.
WAITRESS
Peter? She thought she could see him?
WILT
She did see him.
WAITRESS
But he’s not real.
WILT
What are you implying? Is this an empty stool in front of you?
WAITRESS
What? I mean he ain’t real, that’s all I said.
WILT
He’s real to her ain’t he?
WAITRESS
Sure, I guess.
WILT
He’s real to me.
WAITRESS
Come on, sonny. Nothin’s real to you.
WILT
Everything’s real to me. I don’t know what’s happening. . . . I don’t know why. But I can’t help it. I
can’t stop it. I feel like . . .
like I’ve . . . like I’m . . .
Scene
12
(The house. Over a year later. MAX back from college. HARRIET comes in, followed by MAX. From off:)
HARRIET
What about business?
MAX
Yeah, well —
HARRIET
What are you going to do with a
philosophy degree, Max?
MAX
I don’ know. Philosophize, maybe.
(They enter.)
HARRIET
Well I just don’t see the point of
spending —
MAX (Interrupting)
Hey, Wilt.
(WILT has entered – stark naked [or in
nothing but boxer shorts]. During the
following: WILT sneaks around the room on tip toe, stands directly
in front of people because he thinks they can’t see him and this now amuses him
to no end; mocks them in mime-fashion, makes faces. Picks up objects and “floats” them across the room from one
spot to another, ties people’s shoelaces together, tips people over in their
chairs, etc. , giggling to himself and watching them for their reactions.)
(MAX looks at WILT’S
shorts:)
A bit chilly, isn’t it?
(WILT giggles to
himself.)
I say: Hey, Wilt. How,
have, you, been?
HARRIET
That won’t work, Max.
MAX
What, is he deaf?
HARRIET
You shouldn’t call him by his first name
anyway. Be respectful.
MAX
Me? Hey, I’m at least talking to the guy. Trying to make conversation, ask how
he’s doing. He’s the one ignoring
me.
HARRIET
He’s not ignoring you, Max.
MAX
No?
HARRIET
Not exactly.
MAX
Wilt! Buddy old pal! Greatgrandpappy o’ mine, how are things in your little world, I’m
interested and I’d like to hear about it!
(Pause. To HARRIET:)
See? Now what would you call that.
HARRIET
Max, let him alone.
MAX
I don’t know about you but I’d call that
ignoring.
HARRIET
He doesn’t respond to “Wilt” any more.
MAX
Grandpappy! Oh wise and venerable elder, Mr. Wilt Sir, Your Honor, Your
Highness!
HARRIET
Stop it Max. It won’t work.
MAX
What.
HARRIET
He goes by “Peter” now.
MAX
Peter.
HARRIET
Yes.
MAX
Peter.
HARRIET
Yes. Peter.
MAX
Hiya, Petey old chap. Have you seen Wilt around anywhere? I’m looking for Wilt!
HARRIET
Max.
MAX
He’s not responding.
HARRIET
He’s playing with you.
MAX
You’re damn right he is.
HARRIET
Max, no profanity. Maybe at college you can get away with
that but not in my house.
MAX
It’s Wilt’s house.
HARRIET
Peter, Max.
MAX
It’s “Peter’s” house. . . . Did you get him to write up his will yet?
HARRIET
Max.
(WILT sneaks up to
MAX, lifts MAX’S hat in the air slightly.)
MAX
Cut it out. What’s the matter with you, that’s my hat. That’s my thinking hat. Give me that.
(Grabs hat, puts it
back on, moves away from WILT, who chuckles to himself.)
HARRIET (re: the will)
He’s not even sick.
MAX
He’s gone off the deep end. I’m serious, Gramma. You have got to sit him down with pen
and paper. Look at him. Another year and nothing he writes will
hold up in a court of law. You
know this.
HARRIET
He could live for years like this.
MAX
Peachy.
HARRIET
Max!
MAX
Well at least ask him.
HARRIET
I’ve asked him.
MAX
And?
HARRIET
He said it was useless and ridiculous.
MAX
Did he now.
HARRIET
Yes.
MAX
And why is that.
HARRIET
Because. He said he’s already dead.
MAX
Ahh. Ah hah. That
old routine.
HARRIET
Yes.
MAX
(Loudly, to be sure
WILT can hear:)
Well then. You’ll have to get him declared legally incompetent.
HARRIET
Max, stop it. He’s not deaf, he can hear you. I’m sorry, papa.
MAX
What are you apologizing to a corpse
for? You have no rights, no
feelings. Do you, “Petey” m’
lad. The late Wilt.
HARRIET
Max, stop it.
MAX
He can’t fucking hear me!
HARRIET
Max! I will not have that! I will not!
MAX
I’m sorry.
HARRIET
Not in my — . . . in this house.
(Pause.)
MAX
So tell me then, what’s the deal. He just doesn’t talk or what.
HARRIET
No.
MAX
I see.
HARRIET
He stopped a few months ago.
MAX
Uh huh. So what, I have to learn sign language now to chat with the
deceased?
HARRIET
That won’t work either. He thinks . . . Oh my. . . . He thinks
he’s invisible.
(Pause.)
MAX
Invisible.
HARRIET
Yes he does.
(WILT “floats” an
object in front of MAX’S face.)
MAX
Uh huh. . . . What’s he
doing?
HARRIET
He’s doing his invisible man
routine. Just ignore him.
MAX
And he’ll go away?
HARRIET
Well, no . . . But that’s all you can do.
MAX
Have you considered finding him other
accommodations?
HARRIET
What, like a rest home?
MAX
No, like an asylum.
HARRIET
Max.
MAX
Next he’ll think he’s a bat and try to
fly out the window.
HARRIET
Just leave him be.
(WILT sneaks out of
the room.)
MAX
Wither away, Wilt? . . . Wither away.
Scene
13
(VIRGINIA alone,
looking around the room as if waiting for something. Silence. A
voice — that of WILT, [though this need not be immediately clear] — is
heard, disembodied, seemingly from everywhere yet nowhere.)
VOICE
Virginia.
VIRGINIA
Peter? Is that you?
VOICE:
Yes it’s me. What are you doing?
VIRGINIA
Nothing. Waiting for you.
VOICE
Well you can stop waiting now.
VIRGINIA
Yes. I have. I have
stopped.
VOICE
I need to ask you a favor, Virginia.
VIRGINIA
What kinda favor?
VOICE
A really big one.
VIRGINIA
Bigger than last time?
VOICE
Much bigger. It makes the last one look like a pea.
VIRGINIA
Oh. O. K. Cause I
almost got in trouble for the last time.
VOICE
But you’re O. K. Right?
VIRGINIA
Yes. I’m O. K.
VOICE
Good. . . . We’re
still friends?
VIRGINIA
Sure.
VOICE
Bestest friends?
VIRGINIA
Uh huh.
VOICE
And always will be, right?
VIRGINIA
Always.
VOICE
I’d do anything for you, you know that,
don’t you Virginia?
VIRGINIA
Yes.
VOICE
And I know you’d do the same for me,
right?
VIRGINIA
Yes.
VOICE
Are you sure?
VIRGINIA
I’m sure.
VOICE
Anything?
VIRGINIA
(Pause.)
Yes. Anything, Peter.
VOICE
That makes me very happy.
VIRGINIA
I’m glad.
VOICE
Do you love me?
VIRGINIA
More than anything in the whole wide
world.
VOICE
I love you too, Virginia.
(Pause.)
VIRGINIA
So what’s the favor?
VOICE
This one’s gonna be really hard. But I know you can do it.
VIRGINIA
O. K. Tell me.
VOICE
Well, your great grandpapa Wilt?
VIRGINIA
Yeah?
VOICE
Well he’s been trying to kill me.
VIRGINIA
He has?
VOICE
Yes he has.
VIRGINIA
How come?
VOICE
I don’t know. Because he’s crazy.
VIRGINIA
That’s what everybody says.
VOICE
They’re right.
VIRGINIA
But I didn’t believe em.
VOICE
Well believe them, Virginia. He’s going to do something horrible to
me. Very soon. Unless . . .
VIRGINIA
What?
VOICE
Unless we do something to him
first. To stop him. To get rid of him. Do you see?
(Pause.)
VIRGINIA
Yeah.
VOICE
I knew you would.
Scene
14
(HARRIET and MAX in
black dress clothes — HARRIET with a large black hat [perhaps with
veil]. MAX helps HARRIET to stand
[she is visibly in pain], holds her arm. VIRGINIA, in her usual clothes.)
HARRIET
At least he died peacefully. In his sleep, without —
(Wincing as she tries
to move toward walker in corner:)
— pain.
(MAX steadies her.)
MAX
He lived a full life.
(Muttering:)
Though he always said it was empty.
HARRIET
Let’s don’t talk about that now. Virginia, go change clothes
please. I don’t want to have to
ask you again.
VIRGINIA
What’s wrong with my clothes?
MAX (to HARRIET)
Are you going to be able to look at him?
HARRIET
Oh I think I can . . . I don’t know,
it’s so strange . . .
MAX
Well I’ll be right beside you if it
happens again. But if you feel
faint, just don’t —
HARRIET
Oh, no, I don’t think — it was the
shock, the initial shock was all, I think I’ll be . . .
VIRGINIA
What’s wrong with my clothes?
HARRIET
It’s not respectful, sweetheart.
MAX
Well just be careful. We don’t want you throwing the other
hip out.
VIRGINIA
They’re clean. This is what I always wear.
HARRIET
Please, honey. Not today. Do
it for me. Do it for your dear old
Grandma.
MAX
Please, Virginia. You don’t want to go visit Gladys, do
you?
(VIRGINIA is visibly
afraid.)
HARRIET
Max, not now, please, don’t. . . . She’ll change, won’t you
sweetheart.
(Long pause. To MAX)
Would you get my walker?
(MAX brings it to
her.)
It’s so strange not having him
around. He was always . . . just .
. there, but —
MAX
But not there.
HARRIET
Yeah.
MAX
Like a faint odor.
HARRIET
Max.
MAX
You just got used to it. And then you couldn’t even smell it
anymore.
HARRIET
What time is it, Max?
MAX (Checks watch.)
9: 30.
HARRIET
We’d better go.
MAX
If we’re late we’re late. He’s not going anywhere.
HARRIET
Max.
MAX
I’m just sayin, take your time, don’t
rush, don’t exert yourself.
HARRIET
We’ll be waiting in the car, honey. Just change and come on down, O. K. ?
(HARRIET and MAX
leave — HARRIET very slowly and with visible pain. VIRGINIA sits still, looks around
room. Silence.)
VIRGINIA
Peter.
(Pause.)
Peter!
(Pause.)
Peter? . . . Peter,
are you there? Can you hear me,
Peter?
(Pause.)
Peter, where are you? . . . Aren’t you going to come with me? . . . We’re going
to church. I don’t know why we’re
going today cause it’s Tuesday. But you should come. . . . I guess you have to wear black
today. . . . I hope you come. I’ll be lonely and bored if you don’t
come. Don’t you wanna spit gum in
the collection basket? . . . I’ll
save a spot for you, O. K. ? . .
. O. K. , Peter?
(Silence. She gets up, goes into bedroom. Fade.)
Scene
15
HARRIET
She up?
MAX
No. She rolled over.
HARRIET
What do you mean?
MAX
Nothing. That’s it. She
rolled over and grumbled something or other, but she won’t get up.
HARRIET
Well make her. It’s one o’clock in the afternoon!
MAX
I know what time it is. I told her that.
HARRIET
And?
MAX
And nothing. She doesn’t care what “time it is."She doesn’t care about anything.
HARRIET
Don’t say that.
MAX
It’s the truth.
HARRIET
But don’t say it.
MAX
There’s no point, she says.
HARRIET
Even on Saturday she won’t get up?
MAX
She’s like a stone.
HARRIET
Not even for cartoons? She always got up for cartoons.
MAX
I asked her. She just said they were made up. That they were fake.
HARRIET
Well sure, I mean they’re just —
MAX
“Like God and puppets and friends and
life,” she said.
HARRIET
Like . . . what?
MAX
It’s all made up, she said.
HARRIET
All she does now is sleep. She used to be up all night, every
night, couldn’t get her to sleep for the life of me, and now —
MAX
That’s because she was up talking to
Peter.
HARRIET
Look on the bright side, I guess.
MAX
I didn’t say that. I just
meant . . .
HARRIET
Well she’s got to go to school tomorrow
and that’s all there is to it.
MAX
So you get her up then.
HARRIET
Me? I can’t do anything, Max. Don’t expect me to —
MAX
I’m just saying, she’s not going
anywhere. She just wants to stay
in bed.
HARRIET
Maybe she’s . . . maybe she’s just
having very pleasant dreams, and she wants to stay in them, and so she . . .
MAX
Yeah. Or maybe the waking world is a nightmare to her.
HARRIET
Max. Don’t say things like that.
MAX
Well you know what I mean.
HARRIET
No. No I don’t. There’s no reason not to be happy.
(MAX laughs, shakes
his head.)
HARRIET
(cont.)
It’s not normal.
(Pause.)
There has to be something we can do.
MAX
I can juggle for her if you want. Do a little soft shoe. Maybe a puppet show.
HARRIET
Just go and ask her to come down for
breakfast.
MAX
You’re really fond of these futility
aerobics, aren’t you.
HARRIET
Just tell her. Try.
MAX
Yeah, sure. Because all of a sudden she’s going to decide, “Hey! Wait a second! What am I doing? I like life! I have a dance in my step and a song in my heart! I have my whole life ahead of me! I’m high on life!”
HARRIET
Max, just go.
(He goes,
scowling. HARRIET sighs, puts down
her knitting, stares. Glances
toward door, listens; goes to bookcase, takes out WILT’S book, takes out
bottle, takes a big drink; chokes, takes another; hears MAX returning, quickly
puts book back, keeping bottle, which she hides in the cushion of her
chair. Resumes knitting. MAX enters.)
HARRIET
And she still wouldn’t come down?
MAX
“Come down”? She won’t even get up.
HARRIET
You told her?
MAX
I told her. You made her favorite, fudge bars and potato chips, just for
her, and blah blah blah.
HARRIET
Well Max, you can’t say it like
that. You have to make it sound
appealing.
MAX
I did. She’s unappealable. I even told her she could have jelly beans for breakfast.
HARRIET
When was the last time she ate?
MAX
I don’t know. Maybe she doesn’t have to eat, since she’s in hibernation.
HARRIET
She’ll waste away to nothing.
MAX
That’s all she wants.
HARRIET
What?
MAX
I said that’s all she wants.
HARRIET
What? What’s all she wants?
MAX
Nothing.
HARRIET
Oh.
Scene
16
(HARRIET stands next
to window, leaning out. MAX paces
near window, annoyed.)
HARRIET
Virginia! Sweetheart, what are you doing? Get down from there!
MAX
Don’t tell her that.
HARRIET
Why?
MAX
Well think about it: what’s the quickest way “down”?
HARRIET
Oh God! Virginia honey, come on! Come inside!
MAX
Come in and have a fudge bar!
HARRIET
What’s gotten into her?
MAX
Come inside and we’ll talk about
this.
VIRGINIA (From off, on ledge:)
I don’t wanna talk about this!
MAX
Well we don’t have to talke about this,
we can talk about robots, and helicopters, and eggs and oysters and octopuses
and tapeworms and everything you like, anything you want!
HARRIET
You can bring Peter, honey! Peter can come, too!
MAX
Don’t tell her that!
HARRIET
Why? Why not?
VIRGINIA
Peter’s dead!
HARRIET
No, honey.
VIRGINIA
He’s dead and I wanna be with him!
MAX
He’s not dead, he’s right here. Aren’t you, Peter.
HARRIET
What are you doing, Max? What are you saying?
MAX
He wants you to come in and talk to
him. He’s lonely.
HARRIET
Yes — yes, come inside, sweetheart. Don’t stand on the ledge, it’s
dangerous!
VIRGINIA
Tell Peter to come out.
HARRIET
What?
MAX
He’s not crazy, Virginia. He doesn’t want to fall and split his
brains open.
VIRGINIA
Tell him if he doesn’t come out I’ll jump.
HARRIET
No!
(To MAX)
What do we do?
MAX
He says if you don’t come in,
he’s going to do something rash.
VIRGINIA
He does not.
MAX
Wanna bet?
VIRGINIA
Like what.
HARRIET
Just come inside, Virginia!
MAX
Like kill himself. Right here in the living room!
HARRIET
Right now!
VIRGINIA
You’re lying! It’s all lies! It’s all made up! He’s
dead, nothing’s real!
HARRIET
It’s true, Virginia! Please! Please, believe!
VIRGINIA
Nothing’s true! I don’t believe in anything!
HARRIET (Leaning out further:)
Oh my God! No!
(Turns away, backs
inside.)
I can’t look. She . . . she did it, I — I can’t look.
MAX
No way.
(goes to window and
looks down)
Oh Christ, . . . Virginia!
(HARRIET sobs as MAX
rushes out door muttering “fucking christ . . .")
HARRIET
I don’t . . . I can’t believe . . .
(Sobbing.)
(Fade.)
Scene
17
MAX
It’ll heal. Bones heal, Gramma.
HARRIET
Yes, but in the meantime, she can’t even
walk.
MAX
She doesn’t want to walk.
HARRIET
I mean she can’t even play with her
friends.
MAX
She doesn’t want to. And anyway she doesn’t have any
friends.
HARRIET
Max. Don’t say that.
MAX
It’s true. She never did. Except for Peter.
HARRIET
Now Max, don’t go bringing Peter up
again.
MAX
Well it’s true. He was her only friend. And now he’s gone. She says even he won’t talk to her any
more.
HARRIET
Well that’s . . . but she must have . . real friends . .
. ?
MAX (Shrugs.)
I don’t think so, Gramma.
HARRIET
I mean she must have interests.
(MAX shrugs.)
But why? I just don’t understand why. Why would she just jump out the window like that?
MAX (Sarcastic:)
Maybe she was trying to be like
Superman.
HARRIET
No, she doesn’t believe in
Superman. She doesn’t believe in
any of that anymore.
MAX
She doesn’t believe in anything anymore.
HARRIET
Max. Don’t say that.
MAX
Well it’s true.
(Pause.)
HARRIET
Well I know. But you don’t have to say it.
(Pause. MAX watches her.)
MAX
I’ve got something here I think you
should see.
HARRIET
What? What is it, Max.
MAX
(Holding out piece of
paper.)
Another one.
HARRIET
No. Oh, no, not another one. You can’t be [serious] —
MAX
See for yourself.
(Hands her the
paper.)
HARRIET
When I was her age I don’t think I
hardly knew what death was, let alone . . .
MAX
Yes, you’ve said all that. But it’s quite clear she understands
fully the concept of self-destruction.
HARRIET
But she’s just . . . she just wants
attention or something. . . . Doesn’t she? Isn’t that what they say?
MAX
Who?
HARRIET
I don’t know.
MAX
Sure. I guess so.
HARRIET
I mean she would never actually do
anything.
MAX
I’d be surprised. I’d be surprised she took the
initiative to take a bath, let alone drown herself.
HARRIET
Max! She’s not going to —
MAX
I know she’s not. That’s what I’m saying. She’s just . . .
HARRIET
She won’t do anything.
MAX
She did jump out the window.
HARRIET
That’s different.
MAX
Different how.
HARRIET
She was trying to fly or something.
MAX
She doesn’t even want to crawl, let
alone fly, Gramma.
HARRIET
We just need to pay her more attention.
MAX
Sure. If she’d ever get out of bed.
(Pause.)
A nine-year-old writing suicide
notes. Now that’s —
HARRIET
Max.
MAX
What?
HARRIET
Don’t say those things.
MAX
What “things”?
HARRIET
Don’t say that word.
MAX
Why? It’s all she ever talks about.
HARRIET
Don’t.
MAX
I’m not doing anything.
HARRIET
She wouldn’t do anything.
MAX (With undercurrent of sarcasm:)
No.
HARRIET
I don’t believe that. I simply won’t believe that.
(Silence.)
Scene
18
(VIRGINIA crouched
like a cornered animal, on couch.)
VIRGINIA
I’ll lop your ears off!
MAX
Virginia, give me the knife.
VIRGINIA
No! Don’t dome near me!
MAX
I mean it Virginia.
VIRGINIA
I’ll cut you in your head!
HARRIET
Where did she get that?
MAX
She’s lost it.
HARRIET
Is that my turkey knife?
VIRGINIA
I’ll split my wrists! Stay away!
HARRIET
Virginia, that doesn’t belong to
you. Give it back now, sweetheart.
MAX
Virginia? If you stop right now and give me the knife, you won’t be in
any trouble. And neither will
Peter. O. K. ?
HARRIET
No, you’re not in trouble, honey. We just want —
MAX
O. K. , Virginia?
HARRIET
We just don’t want you to —
VIRGINIA
Peter’s dead!
HARRIET
No, he’s not, he’s —
MAX
He’s in the bathroom crying his eyes out
because he’s afraid that you’ll —
HARRIET
Please, Virginia!
VIRGINIA
He doesn’t have any eyes! He doesn’t have a face!
HARRIET
Please, sweetheart!
VIRGINIA
I’ll cut your belly open!
HARRIET
No! You wouldn’t do that to your dear old grandma!
VIRGINIA
I’ll clip out your tongue!
HARRIET
Oh! Oh my God! I
think she’s possessed! She’s — she’s got — — you’ve got the devil in you!
VIRGINIA
The devil’s a phony!
MAX
Virginia. Now this is the last time I’m asking you. Hand over that knife.
VIRGINIA
Go away! Leave me alone!
HARRIET
Please!
VIRGINIA
I’ll saw your eyes out!
HARRIET (Weeping. Screaming:)
You’ve got the devil in you! You’re evil!
VIRGINIA
There’s no such thing as the devil! Or evil! Or good! There’s nothing in me!
MAX
You see what you’re doing,
Virginia? You see what you’re
doing to gramma?
VIRGINIA
There’s nothing in me! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
MAX
Virginia, calm down.
VIRGINIA
(Silence. Suddenly growing calm and
distant:)
It’s all run out. Except this blood. It’s all going to run out. And my skin will crawl away.
MAX
Virginia? Let’s . . .
VIRGINIA
(In voice of very
small child, singsongy:)
Aall gone.
MAX
Virginia, you wanna play a game? Come on, let’s play a game, huh? Let’s play make believe. Let’s pretend, O. K. ?
VIRGINIA
And bones fall apart into sand.
MAX
Let’s pretend we’re happy.
HARRIET
Yes! That’s a great idea! Let’s all pretend to be happy!
VIRGINIA
And I bury myself.
MAX
Let’s imagine that mother’s coming.
VIRGINIA
And I’m blown away.
HARRIET
What?
MAX
Tomorrow.
VIRGINIA
And I’m part of the air.
MAX
Today. To pay you a visit. You. Only you, Virginia.
HARRIET
Max, what are you —
VIRGINIA
Mother?
MAX
You’re the reason she’s coming back.
VIRGINIA
My mother?
MAX
Just to see you. Because she never got to see you.
VIRGINIA
No?
MAX
And you never got to see her.
VIRGINIA
No.
HARRIET
No, No, I can’t listen to this. I won’t —
(HARRIET covers her
ears, leaves, sobbing.)
MAX
Yes, Virginia. She’s going to come, and hold you in her arms, and cry with
joy.
VIRGINIA
My mother . . .
MAX
Now how does that make you feel, Virginia?
VIRGINIA
I don’t know. . . .
MAX
Don’t think about it. Just tell me how you feel.
VIRGINIA
My mother’s coming. . . . Coming to see me. . . .
MAX
That’s right. Now doesn’t that make you feel happy? Aren’t you glad? Aren’t you glad to be alive?
VIRGINIA
But she’s not alive. She’s dead. I’m alive and she’s not. . . .
MAX
No, she’s coming. It’ll be the two of you together.
VIRGINIA
(Almost crying with
confused happiness:)
When will she get here?
MAX
Soon. Very soon.
VIRGINIA
When she gets here . . .
MAX
It won’t be long now.
VIRGINIA
I can feel her coming . . . I can —
MAX
I can too.
VIRGINIA
I can smell her. I can smell my mother.
MAX
. . . And she can smell you. She’s going to find you. By
your scent. By the scent of your
hair.
VIRGINIA
She’s . . .
MAX
Yes.
VIRGINIA
(Happiness begins
gradually to be replaced by fear:)
She’s coming . . . to get me. My mother . . .
MAX
To see you, yes, she’s on her way.
VIRGINIA
She can smell me. She’s hunting me. By my smell.
MAX
She can’t wait. She can’t wait to touch you, to hold
you.
VIRGINIA
She wants to . . . to put her hands on
my neck. . . .
MAX
She’ll comb your hair, and caress your
face. Can you feel it?
VIRGINIA (Scared now:)
To choke me, to grab my hair,
to — My hair! She can smell my hair! I’ve got to get rid of it! I can’t let her find me!
(Begins to saw at her
hair with the knife.)
MAX
No, Virginia.
(He reaches for her
wrist, she points knife at him, he backs away.)
She’s going to pick you up in her arms,
and hold you, and —
VIRGINIA
And lift me up, by my hair, and —
(Continues sawing.)
MAX
No, Virginia, listen.
(Again he reaches for
the knife, she threatens him, he backs away.)
She wants to cradle you. Just like you were a baby again. Her baby.
VIRGINIA
And choke me and throw me against the
wall, and —
(Points knife at
door.)
MAX
No. No no no! Listen to me!
VIRGINIA
And hurt me!
MAX
She loves you.
VIRGINIA
She hates me!
MAX
She wants to love you!
VIRGINIA (Simultaneously:)
She wants to kill me!
MAX
She wants you back!
VIRGINIA (Simultaneously:)
She wants to get me back!
(Sudden silence.)
VIRGINIA (Whisper:)
What’s that? ! What was that? !
(MAX stares at
her. She stares at door.)
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God . . .
MAX
Virginia? . . . What is
it?
VIRGINIA
Oh my God she’s here.
(A
woman — VIRGINIA’S MOTHER — enters in summer dress caked with
blood. Sad and pained face. [She does not have to look ghostly or
surreal necessarily, but rather can look like a normal living person; however,
it should be clear that VIRGINIA is the only one who can see her, and that she
can see no one except VIRGINIA. ]She smiles sweetly at VIRGINIA.)
Don’t come near me! Stay away! I don’t love you! You’re not real!
(MAX looks at the
door, clearly sees nothing, looks back at VIRGINIA.)
VIRGINIA
I don’t love anyone! No one’s real!
(MOTHER’S smile fades
into deep sadness again. She looks
at VIRGINIA, then down at floor. HARRIET enters [walks right past woman, clearly cannot see her]. Goes to one corner of the room, watches
and listens. Woman begins walking
slowly towards VIRGINIA. Silence. VIRGINIA breathes
heavily, more and more rapidly, audibly. As the woman gets very close, standing a few steps in front of the
couch, VIRGINIA’S breathing stops. She looks as though she may faint, as if in a trance.)
VIRGINIA
(She still grips the
knife. Stares only at woman,
fixedly.)
I didn’t do it. It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t mean to.
(Pause. MOTHER’S face turns from sad frown to
malicious scowl, she stares at VIRGINIA. Piercing glare. She slowly
approaches VIRGINIA, reaching out to her; VIRGINIA backs away, cowers, clutches
the knife.)
No. No no no no NO! You’re not real! Nothing’s real!
(MAX looks at door,
back at VIRGINIA again. VIRGINIA
keeps withdrawing from the figure of her MOTHER, finally hiding crouched under
the table with her hands over her eyes and head.)
MAX
Virginia, there’s nothing —
VIRGINIA
There’s nothing in anybody! Everything’s false! Everything’s empty! Nothing’s real!
(She shivers,
breathing loudly and audibly.)
MAX
Virginia . . . You’re dreaming, Virginia. Wake up now. You’re just having a bad dream is all.
(Approaches her
slowly. Reaches to her. The MOTHER also reaches out to touch
her at the same time.)
Wake up, sweetheart. It’s all right. It’s only a dream. Just a bad dream.
(MAX and the MOTHER,
gently, touch VIRGINIA’S shoulder at the same time. MAX shakes her, as though trying to wake her up. VIRGINIA screams, lashes out blindly
with knife, tries to dash off into her room. MAX grabs her, they struggle. She frees herself, goes into room [still with knife], slams
door. In the shuffle MAX has been
cut, grabs his wound.)
HARRIET
Now what!
MAX
She cut me! That little cunt cut me!
HARRIET
What do we do, Max? !
MAX
Nothing. I’m not doing a goddamned thing.
HARRIET
She’s in there, alone! With the knife! My turkey knife, Max!
MAX
I could give a flying fuck what she
does. Bitch. She can cut her fucking head off for
all I care.
HARRIET
Max!
MAX
Look at this! Do you see this? !
(Dresses his wound
with cloth, which quickly spreads red.)
HARRIET
She was trying to protect herself.
MAX
Yeah. Well the only one she needs protection from is herself.
HARRIET
I’m afraid for her.
MAX
Yeah, well you should be afraid of her.
HARRIET
Oh, I wish Papa was here.
MAX
Yeah, sure. Or Peter.
HARRIET
She always listened to Papa.
MAX
Yeah. Good old Wilt woulda saved the fucking day.
HARRIET
(Ignoring
MAX. Sadly, dreamily:)
Where
is he now . . .
MAX
He’s with her: in La La Land.
HARRIET
He would always tell her stories.
MAX
And she believed every word. He wasn’t good for her either, any more
than Peter was.
HARRIET
At least then she was . . . She had . . .
(Sobs.)
Scene
19
(VIRGINIA lies on
couch, motionless. MAX enters,
drinking coffee and trying to put on a tie.)
MAX
Come on Virginia, let’s go.
VIRGINIA
I’m not going.
MAX
I beg to differ.
VIRGINIA
So differ then.
MAX
Look. I don’t particularly enjoy it either. But do it for Gramma. It makes her happy. O. K. ?
(VIRGINIA shakes
head.)
VIRGINIA
Gramma’s not happy. No one’s happy.
MAX
You want her to be sad then. Is that it?
VIRGINIA
She doesn’t go to church.
MAX
She can barely stand up. Jesus, Virginia, what’s the matter with
you?
VIRGINIA
Nothin. It’s all phony, that’s all.
MAX
What is.
VIRGINIA
All of it. God.
MAX
Uh huh. Oh, so what, so you don’t believe in God now?
(VIRGINIA shakes
head.)
VIRGINIA
He’s a fake.
MAX
Why. Because he didn’t show up for your birthday party? Because he didn’t bring you a unicorn
in your stocking last Christmas?
VIRGINIA
I don’t believe in Santa Claus. He’s just like God.
MAX
Except for the red suit and the hat,
they’re identical. And God’s a bit
more sedentary.
VIRGINIA
He’s not real.
MAX
Well you know what? If you don’t go, you know who’s going
to get you, don’t you. Uh
huh. That’s right.
(Singing:)
Glaadyyys . . .
VIRGINIA
Gladys isn’t real. You can’t scare me.
MAX
You’ve seen the van. That’s her van down by the bridge. That’s real, Virginia, that’s where she
lives. Remember? And she’s got no nose, just a big
bloody hole smack in the middle of her face, and when she breathes it sounds
like somebody whose lungs leak, suffocating. And she’s only got one eye cause a badger ripped the other
one out while she was trying to kill it with her bare hands to eat raw. But that’s only because she ran out of
children. It’s not very often she
runs out of children. And she’s
only got one foot, cause once at Christmas time when all the kids were being
really good and nobody brought her any children to eat, she ate her foot to
stay alive. Just hacked it off
with a rusty tin can and chowed it down, bones and all. And —
VIRGINIA
I don’t care. She’s not real.
MAX
Why do you see her in your dreams then,
hmm? Why do you dream about her if
she’s not real? Huh, Virginia?
VIRGINIA
Dreams aren’t real.
MAX
You say that now, but they sure seem
real, don’t they.
VIRGINIA
I don’t believe in dreams. I don’t have dreams.
MAX
Well we’ll just go see her tomorrow and
see how real she is. How’s that
sound.
VIRGINIA
Fine with me.
(Long pause.)
MAX
You know what happens to people who
don’t go to church, don’t you? They go to Hell. And winged
dogs with black beaks and claws tear their skin off with cheese graters
and —
VIRGINIA
I don’t believe in Hell. Or Heaven. Or Purgissory.
MAX
Well what do you believe in? Hmm?
VIRGINIA
Nothing.
MAX
What about yourself? You believe in yourself, don’t you?
VIRGINIA
Nope.
(Silence.)
MAX
So you’re just gonna sit here. And do nothing.
VIRGINIA
Yup.
(Pause.)
MAX
Well you know you’re going to school
tomorrow.
(VIRGINIA shakes
head.)
Oh yes you are.
VIRGINIA
Am not.
MAX
You don’t like school either?
VIRGINIA
No. It’s all lies. It’s all made up.
MAX
What are you going to be when you grow
up? A foot stool? A paper weight?
VIRGINIA
I’m not growing up. Ever.
MAX
Well you can’t grow down, so . . . What do you want to be? Have you thought about that?
VIRGINIA
Nothing. I wanna be dead.
MAX
Jesus. . . . I’m never
having kids. I hope you have seven
of them, though, Virginia, do you know that?
(Pause. With increasing fury:)
You know, this is — this is
just — . . . I drop out of
school for you, Virginia, to take care of you, you little parasite. Move back here — the last place on
the face of the fucking . . .
(Calming
himself:)
Ah forget it. To hell with it all. To hell with you. I’ll see
you when I get back. Assuming
you’re not invisible.
(MAX leaves, slamming
door. VIRGINIA lies inert on
couch, almost as though paralyzed, arms folded, frowning, gaze extremely far
away.)
(Fade.)
Scene
20
(VIRGINIA in same
position on couch, asleep. Woman
[VIRGINIA’S MOTHER] enters, her face drained and wasted, suffused with an
ageless sorrow, stares sadly down at VIRGINIA. As though sensing her presence, VIRGINIA wakes up; looks frozen
and afraid, stares at MOTHER.)
MOTHER
Why are you afraid of me?
VIRGINIA
Are you really my mother?
MOTHER
Why am I here?
VIRGINIA
What do you want?
MOTHER
Do you want to run away? To dissolve?
VIRGINIA
Do you want to kill me? To punish me?
MOTHER
Do you wish you could have loved me?
VIRGINIA
Did you love me?
MOTHER
Do you wish I’d loved you?
VIRGINIA
Did you love me before I was born?
(Pause.)
MOTHER
Do you like life?
VIRGINIA
Is it cold where you are?
MOTHER
Can you remember being happy?
VIRGINIA
Are you happy?
MOTHER
Are you as sad as I am?
VIRGINIA
Do you miss me?
MOTHER
Are you lonely, too?
VIRGINIA
Do you ever wish you could be alive
again?
MOTHER
Do you ever wish you could be dead?
(Pause.)
MOTHER
No.
VIRGINIA (Simultaneously:)
Yes.
(Pause.)
VIRGINIA
Why did you have me?
MOTHER
Are the living still as lonely as the
dead?
VIRGINIA
Will you ever forgive me for killing
you?
MOTHER
Will you ever forgive me for having you?
(Pause.)
VIRGINIA
Is this a dream?
MOTHER
Am I dreaming still?
BOTH
Which one of us is dreaming?
BOTH
Can I make myself wake up?
BOTH
Is this better than being awake?
BOTH
Is it less lonely?
BOTH
Is there any way back?
(Pause.)
BOTH
Was it better before I fell . . . ?
BOTH
Will I always be alone?
MOTHER
Have I really died?
VIRGINIA
Have I really been born?
(Pause.)
BOTH
I wish I could sleep.
(Pause.)
BOTH
I wish I could sleep forever.
(Silence. VIRGINIA’S eyes close. MOTHER’S eyes close.)
(Blackout.)
Scene
21
(VIRGINIA sits
slouched on couch, her head back and mouth open, eyes closed. [Possibly she is completely concealed
by a blanket. ]MAX enters.)
MAX
Well, I see you’ve had a productive
morning. You missed one hell of a
sermon. It was about moral
apathy. But you know all about
apathy, so you wouldn’t have gotten much out of it I’m sure.
(Tosses a pamphlet at
her.)
Here. Read this. It’s
about the pope or something. I’m
going to go see what gramma wants for lunch.
(Exits. VIRGINIA has not moved. Long silence. MAX returns.)
MAX
Well surprise surprise, she’s not
hungry. Or more specifically, she
doesn’t think she can keep anything down. So it’s up to us. I’m gonna
raid the cupboard. You want
Doritos or Oreos?
(Pause.)
For God’s sake, get up you waste
byproduct.
(Pause. Singing:)
Virgiiiiiniaaaaa. Oh Virgiiiiiniaaaaaa. You know what this means, don’t
you? It means I’m going to have to
tickle you until you pee yourself. Sound like fun? I thought
so.
(He dives on the
couch and commences tickling her furiously. She does not move. He rips the blanket off her. An empty pill bottle and its lid fall to the floor. He stops, stands, backs away.)
Jesus fucking christ. . . . Virginia, come on. Stop playing. No more pretend. It’s even less amusing than usual. . . .
(He mutters. Picks up bottle, shakes it, reads
label. Puts it down. Stares at her. Silence. Shakes head briefly.)
Well that’s . . . now that’s really
something. That’s . . .
(Pause.)
Uh huh. . . . Well
then. . . .
(Silence. Looks vaguely around the room. Looks up; lets head drop, looks
down. Shakes head. Sits down next to her, kisses her
forehead, holds her; stares out.)
Sweet dreams, sweetheart. Sweet dreams.
(FADE)
(END
OF PLAY)